Understanding

The hyperbaric therapy continued and was only interrupted on the Thanksgiving Day. The wound care doctor surgically debrided the wound gently on Tuesday. The wound still hurts, particularly when the dressing is being changed. Side-effects from the chemo remain mostly tolerable.  We had a precious family get-together weekend and a wonderful Thanksgiving meal, but now the kids are back to the school.

Love echoes in eternity loudly!

I want to thank God for the love aroused by my suffering and the acts of love to which it leads performed by those around me such as my wife, my children, my younger brother and sister-in-law, my mom, my brothers/sisters in Christ, my friends, my colleagues, my students and my doctors and nurses.

I am thankful not only because I have needed and enjoyed the abundant love that I don’t deserve, but also because love echoes in eternity loudly.  

i. Love will last forever. 1 Corinthians 13:8 (NLT) Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will all disappear.  
One day, I was having lunch with my wife who said, “I work so hard to nurse you.  I would be angry with God if you still die from this illness.” I was sad and had tears in my eyes for a few seconds, and this verse came to my mind.  I responded, “Even if that happens, your love and ability to love would not be in vain because love will last forever into eternity.”

ii. If we love one another, then the eternal God lives in us. 1 John 4:12 (NIV) No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
- Personally, the sight of God among us is of great comfort for somebody who is suffering.  
- For our community of faith, what a privilege and honor to have the all-mighty and glorious God amongst us! This is the most powerful means to witness our God and spread the gospel to this world!

May this find you and your loved ones in good spirit and health.

I went through three sessions of hyperbaric therapy without incident.  The doctor said the effect won’t be seen for at least another three weeks.  I also pointed out something I had suspected to be an under-skin abscess next to the wound site. The doctor confirmed my suspicion and made an incision to clean it up as I expected.  It has been there for weeks and I finally did the right thing because I knew it would only get worse.  The wound therefore hurts more than before particularly when the abscess is being packed.  (Pain is actually a good sign because it means the surrounding tissue is not dead.) Side-effects from the chemo are tolerable most of the time.  My blood counts are OK except the platelets, which are  a little low.

Why be thankful?

There are many reasons and three of them are given below.

1. Give credit where credit is due.  James 1:17 (NIV) Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 2 Pe. 1:3 (NIV) His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

2. The ability to recognize His gifts and grace and give thanks enables us to have the right relationship with God. 1 John 4:19 We love him, because he first loved us.  God takes the initiative to love us and seek us out; we won’t respond to God’s love with love unless we recognize and treasure His love.

3. The ability to recognize His gifts and grace and give thanks enables us to have the right relationship with others. 1 John 4:11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. If we see how much God loves each and every one of us, it will be easier for us to love one another.

Wish you a happy Thanksgiving and may this find you and your loved ones in good spirit and health.

The enzyme debridement has revealed a previously unseen large tunnel next to the wound.  Had it not been discovered and hence cared for properly, it would have been a big problem later.  On one hand, I am glad to find the truth about the wound.  On the other, I am unhappy about how challenging it has become.  The hyperbaric therapy beginning next week has become even more critical now.  Side-effects from the chemo are manageable most of the time, and I will see the oncologist Monday for a checkup and blood counts.  Don’t be alarmed if my sharing is briefer for the next few weeks.  It is not because I am getting weak.  It is because I have a few important assignments.

God: Are you there?

Some have said to me, “You are steadfast in your faith.”  Well, I am not so sure about that myself.  

I have been disappointed by the apparent lack of God’s major intervention through setback after setback. Now I not only have cancer but also a sizable open wound which gives me constant pain and puts me in constant danger of contracting a potentially life-threatening infection. I prayed and prayed (as many of you have on my behalf), but nobody seems to be answering. I knocked and knocked, but nobody seems to be at home.  The apparent silence is both frustrating and discouraging.  At times, my patience wears thin and my spirit gets low.  Sometimes, I want to rebel against all the medicines I take because I can no longer stand the way the drugs make me feel.  After all, renouncing pills is, more often than not, seen as the right, pure and wholesome thing to do in our time.  I am on a virtually salt-less (often tasteless for somebody who has nausea and limited appetite) diet to keep my leg and foot edema under control, and a low fat diet to minimize the burden to my digestive track damaged by the chemo.  I gave up chocolate, coffee, ice-cream, cheese, donuts, pizzas, my favorite pasta dishes, and much more.  I am still getting used to it, while exploring my capacity for self-denial and obsessing over what foods I could eat, how and when.  I used to be able to run 3 miles in 25 minutes everyday and I can no longer run at all.

However, as much as I can’t deny the existence of the sun just because I have been surrounded by the darkness of the night, I can’t deny the existence of God and His love.  It is so evident when I look at the universe and all the creatures and count the days and the blessings in them that I have been given.  Additionally, just because I can’t seem to see God in complete darkness doesn’t mean God can’t see me either.

That gives me hope.  As long as God keeps me afloat, there is always hope for being rescued.  Should the rescue never come, though, I hope I will persevere to the end, like St. Paul, to say that I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith and may all the glory go to God.

May this find you and your loved ones in good spirit and health.

We visited a wound care center this week. While he approved of the current way we are dressing the wound, the doctor said that none of it will make a big difference in terms of healing the wound because of the radiation damaged tissues.  He is therefore recommending hyperbaric therapy to help the damaged tissue to repair itself from inside out. This will allow the wound and its surrounding tissue to heal, supporting whatever surgical procedure may be needed later.  While there is no guarantee, I found many positive reports about the therapy’s effectiveness on the internet. It has been a crazy and blessed week.  In five days, I have met a doctor who has pointed me to a therapy that might be just what I need, was cleared by my oncologist, my surgeon, and most importantly, a pulmonary specialist, plus the insurance company with the help of many (acquainted and strangers alike). Needless to say, we are very thankful to God.  Regarding the chemo, no critical side-effects have developed yet.  However, it has become a nuisance to deal with my hyper sensitive digestive track which gives me what seems to be random diarrhea after meals. Not being able to hold the food in all the time is particularly frustrating because I need to maintain my weight.  All I can do is eat again after an unplanned restroom stop and be careful about what I eat.

Fly in formation

Migrant birds have been flying south in formation for weeks now.  I would like to highlight a couple of the facts about these formations.

First, when birds fly in formation, they fly faster and farther than flying alone. While there is no precise number, the estimate is that  they are capable of flying about 50% farther. (In 2004, NASA estimated  that 8 airplanes flying in a formation similar to the geese’s would save up to 20% of the normally utilized fuel.) Blue geese were tracked while migrating from Canada to Louisiana.  They made the 1,700 mile journey in 60 hours, averaging 30 miles per hour.  A single goose can not do this.  There is a psychological element in that.  Company always make the long, tough journey easier.  However, God also  created the physics that favors flying in formation.   

Birds can fly because  of a specific wing shape;  when the wings move in air, the air pressure under the wing is greater than the pressure above. At the tip of the wing, the air pressure difference naturally makes the air flow from below the wing and out around the tip to the top of the wing in a circular fashion. This creates the so-called wing tip vortex which stays behind as the bird moves on. If another bird places itself on top of this uplifting air flow, it reduces the workload. The birds fly in formation so that each bird takes advantage of the uplifting force from the bird in front of it. Everybody thus flies easier than if they were flying alone, all except for the leading one.  

This holds up a wonderful truth for any community, and especially the church.   We all need each other more than we realize or we acknowledge. We really do fly faster and farther, and we are more capable of getting to where we are headed… when we are in formation with others.  We can accomplish far more together than the sum total of our individual efforts.

The other important lesson stems from the fact that the geese share leadership.  I used to think when I saw geese in their formation that the leader was the strongest and the smartest one in the whole group.  After all, that is the most demanding position.   Wrong. Biologists now know that geese share leadership.  When the lead goose gets tired, it just falls back into the wing of the formation and another goose flies up to take its place.  Sharing the lead is crucial in all communities; one person just cannot provide all the leadership.  

May this find you and your loved ones in good spirit and health.

As expected, my doctor doubled the dosage when Monday’s blood work showed only small decreases in blood counts after three weeks on the drug.  So far, no major problems have developed from the increased dosage, although some existing side-effects have intensified to various degrees.  However, it is still too early to tell because it is possible to develop a serious side-effect even after three months on the drug.  By forcing myself to eat, I was able to maintain my weight between the last two doctor appointments.  Regarding the wound, the enzyme is gradually eating away the dead tissue to expose underlying viable tissue.  Now, about half the wound area is showing a good color, pink/red.  Once the dead tissue is mostly gone, the next step is to find some way to promote the growth of the good tissue.

Suffering— A rude wakeup call:

Previously, we discussed that the original sin committed by Adam and Eve was an act of disobedience that chose self over God.  One of the consequences was the creation of a new kind of human being, one that had sinned itself into existence.  To break the curse and restore our relationship with God and between one another, we have to consciously act out our role – as doers of God’s will.

Obedience is difficult because our self-will is inflated with years of usurpation and inflamed with the illusion of self-sufficiency.  Furthermore, we were born into and are part of a system that constantly ignores God’s will. We are rebels who must lay down our arms.  To compound the problem, we are so deep into our rebellious lifestyle that we do not even suspect the existence of our rebellion.

Suffering, though evil, is helpful in making us see our rebellious self-will in a couple of ways.  C. S. Lewis called pain as God’s megaphone to rouse a deaf world.

Not until we see the rebellious self-will inside us will we begin to do something about it. We can ignore our wickedness and remain comfortably in our sins and stupidity as long as everything seems to be fine. In fact, the more wicked we are, the less aware we are of our own wickedness. Suffering, on the other hand, is an evil impossible to ignore and demands immediate attention.  When God utilizes suffering, it forces us to see the true condition of our heart and our life as God alone sees it. Of course, there is also the possibility that suffering could drive us further into rebellion.

We ignore God’s will partially because we live within this illusion of self-sufficiency, thinking that what we have is enough and hard-earned, belonging to us. The honest, hardworking and upright who make a modest or decent living are more in danger of having this illusion than those who are not because it is less likely for a thief or a prostitute to be content with his/her life. God is like an emergency room doctor to us; He is there for emergencies but we hope we will never need Him. We want God to leave us alone and, we regard Him as an interruption. If the things we like to do happen to be the things God wants us to do, we count the coincidence as an act of obedience. Otherwise, we rationalize and do it anyway.  Suffering underlines the absolute dominance of God and shatters our illusion of self-sufficiency.  There is no place to hide and nothing much that anybody can do about it. It hurts so much that it may make one condemn one’s rebellious self-will and force a creature to return to the creator to surrender his/her will.

May this find you and your loved ones in good spirit and health.

While no major side-effects have surfaced yet, I have begun to experience more of the less serious ones such as hoarseness. Nausea and bloating have also become more frequent, although their intensity has not increased much.  On Monday, I will see my oncologist who will then decide if the dosage can be increased.  The enzyme ointment has gradually eaten away the dead tissue to expose viable tissue in my wound.  Upon seeing the progress, the surgeon was happy enough to put the surgery aside for now unless a systematic, life-threatening infection develops from the wound.

God’s tough love:

God made us so that He can love us. (John 17:23 I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.  Rev 4:11 … for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.) While HE loves in spite of all of our weakness and impurities and forgives all, HE can’t be satisfied with us as we are because of who HE is.  HIS love can never be reconciled to our sin, which repels HIM and impedes HIS love. God wants us to become truly loveable so that HE can love us without hindrance, a cleft that even God’s omnipotence is unable to bridge at times.  God can only love us without hindrance when we are without any weakness and impurities.  For example, we can’t enjoy true fellowship with God if we still practice idolatry, and we can’t truly enjoy the love in the church, i.e., Christ’s body if we are still self-seeking and bully each other. God’s ultimate plan and purpose for us is to make us so loveable that HE can love us without any impediment. HIS love demands our perfection and the removal of our weakness and impurities. (Ephesians 5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.)

God loves us in spite of our weakness and impurities; not because of them. HE will take us in so long as we confess and believe in HIM.  However, once we are in HIS house, it is absurd to ask God to tolerate our unwholesome behaviors. In fact, God labors to make us perfect out of HIS love.

Sometimes, HE gently nudges us.  Other times, HE is like a dentist who continues to drill until all the decay is removed. Still other times, HE works on us like a smith forging a sword, shaping and strengthening it little by little, blow by blow.  HE is not always gentle about it.  HE utilizes suffering and pain for the purpose. More often than not, HE seems  so tyrannical that the consent of HIS object seems irrelevant.  HE is like a potter who will not leave his clay alone until it becomes a masterpiece (Jeremiah 18:4), like a shepherd who will gather his lambs with his arm (Isaiah 40:11), like a father who will continue to discipline his son until he becomes a real man (Proverbs 3:12 because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.), and like a groom who will relentlessly call his adulterous bride until she returns (Hosea 3).

May this find you and your loved ones in good spirit and health.

I have been on the new chemo at half-dosage for 12 days. So far, there have been no serious side-effects except worrisome weight loss, and on Friday, my blood counts were virtually normal. Additionally, the edema in my left leg and foot has improved significantly. If this continues for another 10 days, the dosage will be increased. I am trying to eat as much as I can to halt the weight loss. Because of my reluctance to go through another surgery to make my hard-to-heal wound even larger, an enzyme ointment is being used to liquefy the dead tissues in the wound. The hope is that it will work so well that the surgery may become unnecessary.

Patch Adams

Because his father worked for the military, Hunter “Patch” Adams’s family was constantly moving to diverse places, helping him to learn to accept differences in others and to be able to quickly make friends. When Hunter started school, he goofed off all the time because he got so bored with the “simple” stuff. Soon after his father died in Germany, Adams moved with his family to Northern Virginia to live with his aunt and his uncle, a lawyer and independent thinker, for a few months before later moving to West Virginia. He became very close to his uncle, viewing him as a surrogate father. After moving to West Virginia, he met his first girlfriend, Donna, and dated until she broke up with him in his freshman year in college. Right around the same time, his uncle committed suicide. He became greatly depressed and suicidal, and dropped out of college just before Halloween in 1964. He checked himself into a mental hospital after a failed suicide attempt.

In the hospital, Adams made friends with many of the patients. He realized that his own problems faded away as he focused on helping others and soon discovered that the key to human happiness is to have loving and caring people in your life. He realized his passion: healing people with laughter. When he checked out of the hospital, he immediately applied to medical school without a college degree. He finally entered pre-med school in ’64 and three years later, entered med school at the Medical College of Virginia, as the oldest first year student. He loved to go and visit the hospital patients. He would make them laugh and perform funny antics around them. He believed in the necessity of personal interaction between patients and doctors and questioned the traditional impersonal approach to medical care. Adams eventually developed the idea for a medical clinic built around his philosophy of doctor-patient interaction.

For 12 years (1971-1983), he and his friends operated a pilot project. Four adults, including three physicians and their 16 children, moved into a large, six-bedroom house and called themselves a hospital. They were open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, for all manner of medical problems ranging from birth to death. They saw 500-1000 people each month, with five to fifty overnight guests a night, totaling 15,000 people over those 12 years. They were never sued. At least three thousand of the patients suffered from mental illness, but they did not give psychiatric medicines. They referred out what they could not handle. It was truly ecstatic, fascinating, and stimulating. No one gave them a donation and they received little foundation grants, so their staff had to work part-time jobs to pay to practice medicine.

Through the success of the pilot program at the Arlington, Virginia location, a model health care facility is being planned on 310 acres purchased in Pocahontas County, WV. Its goal is to integrate a traditional hospital with alternative medicine–acupuncture, homeopathy, etc. Treatment will combine integrative medicine with performing arts, crafts, nature, agriculture, and recreation. The Institute will include a 40-bed hospital, a theater, arts and crafts shops, horticulture and vocational therapy. Over five years ago, Dr. Adams and staff temporarily stopped seeing patients so that they could coordinate plans for raising $5 Million needed for the Institute’s permanent and expanded home, a “model health care community.” Currently planned is an immediate phase of this dream, a $400,000 WV facility so that their medical service to patients can resume within the next two years.

May this find you and your loved ones in good spirit and health.

Dear All,               

As soon as I was taken off the machine, the infection got the upper hand.  I am on antibiotics now and will need another minor surgery to clean the wound up. However, the pain has reduced significantly, and I can walk around without using Lamaze breathing :). I began taking the new chemo drug on Tuesday, so it is still too early to tell how I will respond in terms of effectiveness and side-effects.  So far, I have only experienced some nausea and bloating.

The Original Sin—Self-centeredness

Last time, I shared my thoughts about human wickedness. The original sin is the basis of all sin. Both the Old and New Testaments make reference to it.  For example, “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me.” (Psalm 51:5)  “12 Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned—14 Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those who had not sinned according to the likeness of the transgression of Adam, who is a type of Him who was to come. …18 Therefore, as through one man’s offense judgment came to all men, resulting in condemnation, even so through one Man’s righteous act the free gift came to all men, resulting in justification of life. 19 For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so also by one Man’s obedience many will be made righteous. (Romans 5)”

The question, “Are we being unfairly punished for the sin of our remote ancestors?”, is a fairly common one. Shouldn’t people be judged by their actions and not be punished for simply being born into this world?  First of all, when the term, ‘original sin’, is used with regard to anybody other than Adam and Eve, it is referring to the fallen state he/she is in instead of actual acts of sin.  Therefore, a newborn baby can be in such a state while it has not committed any sin yet.

Self-awareness is an attribute of God which was given to us as a unique human endowment when God created us in His own image. It enables us to look at ourselves as if we were someone else and to identify and then separate ourselves from our own feelings (e.g., depressed, happy, angry, etc.), our own moods, or even our own thoughts.  When one becomes aware of both oneself and God, one faces a choice of choosing self or God as the center and to exist for self or for God.

The original sin committed by Adam and Eve that is recorded in Genesis was an act of disobedience that chose self over God.  The consequences were a broken relationship, God-bestowed curses, and deportation from paradise. Before the original sin, through their God-given grace and human spirit, Adam and Eve enjoyed the higher and spiritual life that transcends the biological and physical laws.  They also had control over all the other creatures by means of delegated power (Gen 1:26). By being disobedient, they lost the control because they ceased to be God’s delegate. Furthermore, the act corrupted their human spirit, making the higher and spiritual life no longer possible.  As a result, Adam and Eve fell under the control of biological and physical laws* — a new kind of man had been produced by this degenerative process (similar to the eye degeneration of deep sea fish which can no longer see light). A new race had sinned itself into existence. This race continues to propagate through the physical reproductive process.

Naturally, the original sin is the cause for all acts of sin: “a bad tree bears bad fruit” (Matthew 7:17, NIV).

*By disobeying the law God made for them, Adam and Eve found themselves governed by God’s lower laws, i.e., biological and physical laws. (Hooker’s Conception of Law).

May this find you and your loved ones in good spirit and health.

It has been a long week.  On Monday, the doctor told us that the CT-scan showed definite though not dramatic growth, which means the first line chemo is losing its effectiveness.  It was very disappointing, because we had hoped for it to be effective for at least 6 months. Because of my open wound and the severity of the side-effects, the doctor at Sloan-Kettering recommended skipping the second-line for the moment and going straight to the third-line instead. The insurance company approved the drug on Tuesday, and I was supposed to receive it on Friday via express mail, but it did not come for reasons unknown to me.  On Friday, the skin around the wound had become so fragile that it began to break down—the top layer just came off with the tape and bled. It was obvious that I had to take a break from the machine and its benefits.  A conventional dressing is being used to get me through the weekend. I will see the surgeon next week to figure out what to do next.  Please pray that the new chemo drug will be effective and well tolerated and that the wound will continue to heal without further complications.

An angry God or an evil me?

For many people, including some Christians, the God described in the Bible, particularly the Old Testament, seems to be unnecessarily harsh.  Unless one has some basic awareness of one’s sin, it is almost inevitable for one to carry certain resentment against God as someone who seems always inexplicably angry and unnecessarily harsh.  Also, it is impossible to really understand the Christian faith without preliminary understanding of our real inexcusable corruption under its complex disguise.

However, it is impossible for us to fully appreciate our own wickedness, because our sin is dark and obscure.  Sin disguises its motives and magnitude until a wrong decision has been made and sinful acts have been committed.  Paul articulated the incomprehensibility of sin in Rom. 7:15, 19, 24:  What I do, I do not understand… For I do not do the good I want, but I do the evil I do not want…Miserable one that I am!  Who will deliver me from this mortal body?  In fact, we wouldn’t have any idea of what Paul is talking about without the insight derived from our rare moments of guilt—when a tiny percentage of our incredibly mean and ugly actions finally catch up with our conscience. Furthermore, sin (evil) is present in a diffused way everywhere in our world like a gas that permeates everything, including in ourselves and even in me.  It is present in all that we think and do, but impossible to grasp, like a kind of ether. (The English Benedictine Sebastian Moore)

Another reason that we cannot fully appreciate our own wickedness is because we view it with impaired vision.  First, we all wear masks to project a much better outward appearance than the true inner self.  We carefully guard the persistent inner thoughts of spite, jealousy, greed, lust, pride and self-satisfaction from others, and we even suppress it from our conscious in order not to deal with it. We often believe that our routine moral failures are exceptions, and mistake our rare successes for the norm.  Second, we hide in the mass.  If everybody else is doing it, then it should be OK. Third, we shift our responsibilities to others or onto the circumstances.  For example, if everybody is cheating, then the examination must be too hard. Fourth, we believe (falsely) that time alone attenuates the sin.  For example, we may recount our youthful indiscretion, even with laughter, as if they have nothing to do with the present us.  Time can’t attenuate sin because it can only be cleansed by repentance and the blood of Christ.  Fifth, we find false comfort in the thought that Christianity is not about moral duty.  Indeed, Christianity is not just about moral duty. It is more than moral duty because God is more than moral goodness.  The moral law exists to be transcended, not to be transgressed upon.  The promised land is beyond Mt. Sinai (where the law, i.e., The Ten Commandants were given).  Sixth, we have blind spots and therefore commit acts of sins that we are not even aware of.  Seventh, we can’t help it because we are just human, and therefore, perfect obedience to the moral laws is not possible. Indeed, even the Bible says so. However, there is always a certain amount of free will in committing sin, and, more often than not, it occurs because we never really desired perfect obedience.

In summary, we are creatures who cannot see that our characters are repulsive to God. (This is why we have to be confronted by the Word of God instead of through our own conscience.) The more fully one is aware of this, the more holy one can become.  On the other hand, self-satisfaction is an utter illusion that leads to phony self-righteousness and ultimately self-destruction.

May this find you and your loved ones in good spirit and health.

The early migrant birds have started their journey south and fall is here. It is also the 9th month of my battle with the cancer.

The chemo has slowed the healing of the wound almost to a stop. Without the machine, the wound probably would have gotten larger instead. The wound has been painful with the exception of the other day and the weekend, so I had to avoid walking as much as possible. I spent most of my waking hours with my leg elevated to minimize the pain so that I can still work and think. One thing to be thankful for is that my sleep has not been disturbed much because of a foam wedge that I have been using to elevate my feet since my March surgery. It supports my leg just the right way so that the pain is minimal. I did not even realize that until a couple of days ago when the pain was so bad that I began to worry about how I was going to be able to sleep. Then I noticed that the pain was mostly gone within 20 minutes after I got into bed. I am lucky that this happened all by itself. Now I try duplicating the same support wherever I go. (I do not want to use pain medication such as Tylenol because that will mask the sure sign of a possible infection, i.e., fever.)

I will see the doctor the coming Monday to learn the result of Wednesday’s CT-scan and possibly to receive chemo.

Suffering for God’s glory:

In my 03/11/07 brief sharing entitled “Suffering=punishment?” (http://highspirit.blog.com/1602428/), I speculated that one of the reasons we are inclined to associate suffering with punishment for sin is because we are so afraid of suffering that we need to pretend that there is a logic behind it in order to make us feel more secure. . “Things just happen” is not a sufficient explanation. Some people like to think that if they take care of God, then God will take care of them (or at least leave them alone) because they have paid their dues. This sort of attitude manifests in various forms: worshipping HIM in a certain way or at some frequency, reciting certain spiritual slogans, praying in certain ways, offering money, doing more good than bad, etc. Of course, this idea is incorrect because it turns God’s unconditional love into a conditional one.

While suffering, many Christians experience torment and unrest in their minds because of some unnecessary guilt trip placed on them by their fellow brothers and sisters, like Job’s friends, or even by themselves. The guilt trip is difficult to dismiss because almost everybody knows he/she is anything but sinless. While some suffering is due to sin, not all of it is. To be in sin is one thing. But to not be in sin and to be told that there must be some kind of personal sin responsible for one’s suffering is very cruel and destructive. Job’s friends accused Job of receiving suffering due to some sin in his life. They believed that if they could only determine what it was, then his problems would be remedied.

Many Christians do not understand the sovereignty of God who sometimes does allow bad things to happen to people for His purpose and glory. For example, in John 11, Lazarus was dying and his sisters were anxious to have Jesus heal him. However, healing Lazarus before he died was not what our Lord had in mind. Jesus wanted Lazarus to die, so dead that there was no doubt about it. He stayed put for two more days to make sure that was the case, and as if that was not enough, he told his disciples plainly that “Lazarus is dead” in v. 14. The reason was because “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” (v. 4) God chose to let Lazarus die first in order to bring honor and glory to himself later. Otherwise, those who were there would not have recognized that Jesus is the resurrection and the life (v. 25) and that He was sent by the Father (v.41). Similarly, the blind man’s ailment in John 9:3 was not due to his or his parents’ sin “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.”

These passages tell us that there are sufferings that are purposed for the display of the glory of the grace of God and have nothing to do with the sins of the individuals.

So, why does God do it? It appears that even God can’t escape vanity. The truth is that God does this for our benefit out of His love for us. God loves us and knows that our place is to be reconciled with HIM so that we can enjoy true fellowship with HIM. However, the world we are in is an enemy controlled territory where God is unknown to or rejected by many. Therefore, out of HIS love for us, God uses various means to let us know who HE is and that HE is seeking us. Out of His sovereignty, God sometimes uses suffering so that HIS glory and grace can be displayed to be seen by us, to mature us in Christ, and to spread the gospel in this fallen world. In such instances, the suffering is caused by sin, i.e., the collective sin of human race in rejecting God, but not the sin of the suffering individuals.

The most obvious example is the death of Jesus Christ in HIS supreme suffering. It is the utmost display of the glory of the grace of God that the innocent Son of God suffers in the place of sinners. So when suffering does come, one should first examine oneself to make sure that it has not been caused by one’s own sin. Repent if necessary. Then, one should focus on the opportunity presented by suffering to witness and to display God’s grace and glory. Do not allow false teachings and accusations to place a guilt trip on us for that only turns our eyes away from God.

May this find you and your loved ones in good spirit and health.