62nd week: I have faith b/c there is something beyond suffering in life
The grafting procedure has not been undertaken yet because the insurance company is still evaluating it. The new chemo will begin first this week, and its schedule will be adjusted as needed when the grafting is approved. The wound is still filling up and hence can be really painful at times as there are more nerve endings near the surface. One day, I could not walk without a cane and pain medication for about 24 hours after a dressing change. Fortunately, it has not happened since.
People like to ask me how I feel, which seems to be a simple question. Sometimes it is difficult to know how I actually feel. I am not sure if I am feeling full or hungry, nauseated or bloated, warm or cold, needing to defecate or simply passing gas, etc. I think this is a sign that my sensory system is being overwhelmed by stimuli from all over my body. One almost surefire way of dealing with it (though it does take will power to carry it out) is to do something intellectual such as preparing for teaching, writing, or doing some research. It is not unusual for me to take up to 10 minutes or even longer to actually reach for my laptop after the moment that I decide to do so.
Someone said “I have faith so that I can bear suffering in life.” I have faith because there is something beyond suffering in life.
May this find you and your loved ones in good spirit and health.
We like to ask how you feel because we seem to run out of words to comfort you, James. Do you need comfort? Do you feel that you need support from us? I am also afraid of asking you because I don’t know what else to ask. I know that I have no words of wisdom (or power) to make you feel better. So I rather not to ask but to keep hoping that one day you can get better.
You are in my thoughts, as always.
- Evelyn
May the God of comfort comfort your loved ones James, as you are perfected in His presence even now. I miss you.
-Daniel
I really liked the way you have put effort to write this post, Great work, keep it up !