Understanding

It has been a long week.  On Monday, the doctor told us that the CT-scan showed definite though not dramatic growth, which means the first line chemo is losing its effectiveness.  It was very disappointing, because we had hoped for it to be effective for at least 6 months. Because of my open wound and the severity of the side-effects, the doctor at Sloan-Kettering recommended skipping the second-line for the moment and going straight to the third-line instead. The insurance company approved the drug on Tuesday, and I was supposed to receive it on Friday via express mail, but it did not come for reasons unknown to me.  On Friday, the skin around the wound had become so fragile that it began to break down—the top layer just came off with the tape and bled. It was obvious that I had to take a break from the machine and its benefits.  A conventional dressing is being used to get me through the weekend. I will see the surgeon next week to figure out what to do next.  Please pray that the new chemo drug will be effective and well tolerated and that the wound will continue to heal without further complications.

An angry God or an evil me?

For many people, including some Christians, the God described in the Bible, particularly the Old Testament, seems to be unnecessarily harsh.  Unless one has some basic awareness of one’s sin, it is almost inevitable for one to carry certain resentment against God as someone who seems always inexplicably angry and unnecessarily harsh.  Also, it is impossible to really understand the Christian faith without preliminary understanding of our real inexcusable corruption under its complex disguise.

However, it is impossible for us to fully appreciate our own wickedness, because our sin is dark and obscure.  Sin disguises its motives and magnitude until a wrong decision has been made and sinful acts have been committed.  Paul articulated the incomprehensibility of sin in Rom. 7:15, 19, 24:  What I do, I do not understand… For I do not do the good I want, but I do the evil I do not want…Miserable one that I am!  Who will deliver me from this mortal body?  In fact, we wouldn’t have any idea of what Paul is talking about without the insight derived from our rare moments of guilt—when a tiny percentage of our incredibly mean and ugly actions finally catch up with our conscience. Furthermore, sin (evil) is present in a diffused way everywhere in our world like a gas that permeates everything, including in ourselves and even in me.  It is present in all that we think and do, but impossible to grasp, like a kind of ether. (The English Benedictine Sebastian Moore)

Another reason that we cannot fully appreciate our own wickedness is because we view it with impaired vision.  First, we all wear masks to project a much better outward appearance than the true inner self.  We carefully guard the persistent inner thoughts of spite, jealousy, greed, lust, pride and self-satisfaction from others, and we even suppress it from our conscious in order not to deal with it. We often believe that our routine moral failures are exceptions, and mistake our rare successes for the norm.  Second, we hide in the mass.  If everybody else is doing it, then it should be OK. Third, we shift our responsibilities to others or onto the circumstances.  For example, if everybody is cheating, then the examination must be too hard. Fourth, we believe (falsely) that time alone attenuates the sin.  For example, we may recount our youthful indiscretion, even with laughter, as if they have nothing to do with the present us.  Time can’t attenuate sin because it can only be cleansed by repentance and the blood of Christ.  Fifth, we find false comfort in the thought that Christianity is not about moral duty.  Indeed, Christianity is not just about moral duty. It is more than moral duty because God is more than moral goodness.  The moral law exists to be transcended, not to be transgressed upon.  The promised land is beyond Mt. Sinai (where the law, i.e., The Ten Commandants were given).  Sixth, we have blind spots and therefore commit acts of sins that we are not even aware of.  Seventh, we can’t help it because we are just human, and therefore, perfect obedience to the moral laws is not possible. Indeed, even the Bible says so. However, there is always a certain amount of free will in committing sin, and, more often than not, it occurs because we never really desired perfect obedience.

In summary, we are creatures who cannot see that our characters are repulsive to God. (This is why we have to be confronted by the Word of God instead of through our own conscience.) The more fully one is aware of this, the more holy one can become.  On the other hand, self-satisfaction is an utter illusion that leads to phony self-righteousness and ultimately self-destruction.

May this find you and your loved ones in good spirit and health.

The early migrant birds have started their journey south and fall is here. It is also the 9th month of my battle with the cancer.

The chemo has slowed the healing of the wound almost to a stop. Without the machine, the wound probably would have gotten larger instead. The wound has been painful with the exception of the other day and the weekend, so I had to avoid walking as much as possible. I spent most of my waking hours with my leg elevated to minimize the pain so that I can still work and think. One thing to be thankful for is that my sleep has not been disturbed much because of a foam wedge that I have been using to elevate my feet since my March surgery. It supports my leg just the right way so that the pain is minimal. I did not even realize that until a couple of days ago when the pain was so bad that I began to worry about how I was going to be able to sleep. Then I noticed that the pain was mostly gone within 20 minutes after I got into bed. I am lucky that this happened all by itself. Now I try duplicating the same support wherever I go. (I do not want to use pain medication such as Tylenol because that will mask the sure sign of a possible infection, i.e., fever.)

I will see the doctor the coming Monday to learn the result of Wednesday’s CT-scan and possibly to receive chemo.

Suffering for God’s glory:

In my 03/11/07 brief sharing entitled “Suffering=punishment?” (http://highspirit.blog.com/1602428/), I speculated that one of the reasons we are inclined to associate suffering with punishment for sin is because we are so afraid of suffering that we need to pretend that there is a logic behind it in order to make us feel more secure. . “Things just happen” is not a sufficient explanation. Some people like to think that if they take care of God, then God will take care of them (or at least leave them alone) because they have paid their dues. This sort of attitude manifests in various forms: worshipping HIM in a certain way or at some frequency, reciting certain spiritual slogans, praying in certain ways, offering money, doing more good than bad, etc. Of course, this idea is incorrect because it turns God’s unconditional love into a conditional one.

While suffering, many Christians experience torment and unrest in their minds because of some unnecessary guilt trip placed on them by their fellow brothers and sisters, like Job’s friends, or even by themselves. The guilt trip is difficult to dismiss because almost everybody knows he/she is anything but sinless. While some suffering is due to sin, not all of it is. To be in sin is one thing. But to not be in sin and to be told that there must be some kind of personal sin responsible for one’s suffering is very cruel and destructive. Job’s friends accused Job of receiving suffering due to some sin in his life. They believed that if they could only determine what it was, then his problems would be remedied.

Many Christians do not understand the sovereignty of God who sometimes does allow bad things to happen to people for His purpose and glory. For example, in John 11, Lazarus was dying and his sisters were anxious to have Jesus heal him. However, healing Lazarus before he died was not what our Lord had in mind. Jesus wanted Lazarus to die, so dead that there was no doubt about it. He stayed put for two more days to make sure that was the case, and as if that was not enough, he told his disciples plainly that “Lazarus is dead” in v. 14. The reason was because “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” (v. 4) God chose to let Lazarus die first in order to bring honor and glory to himself later. Otherwise, those who were there would not have recognized that Jesus is the resurrection and the life (v. 25) and that He was sent by the Father (v.41). Similarly, the blind man’s ailment in John 9:3 was not due to his or his parents’ sin “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.”

These passages tell us that there are sufferings that are purposed for the display of the glory of the grace of God and have nothing to do with the sins of the individuals.

So, why does God do it? It appears that even God can’t escape vanity. The truth is that God does this for our benefit out of His love for us. God loves us and knows that our place is to be reconciled with HIM so that we can enjoy true fellowship with HIM. However, the world we are in is an enemy controlled territory where God is unknown to or rejected by many. Therefore, out of HIS love for us, God uses various means to let us know who HE is and that HE is seeking us. Out of His sovereignty, God sometimes uses suffering so that HIS glory and grace can be displayed to be seen by us, to mature us in Christ, and to spread the gospel in this fallen world. In such instances, the suffering is caused by sin, i.e., the collective sin of human race in rejecting God, but not the sin of the suffering individuals.

The most obvious example is the death of Jesus Christ in HIS supreme suffering. It is the utmost display of the glory of the grace of God that the innocent Son of God suffers in the place of sinners. So when suffering does come, one should first examine oneself to make sure that it has not been caused by one’s own sin. Repent if necessary. Then, one should focus on the opportunity presented by suffering to witness and to display God’s grace and glory. Do not allow false teachings and accusations to place a guilt trip on us for that only turns our eyes away from God.

May this find you and your loved ones in good spirit and health.

Dear All,

Got my two-drug chemo on Wednesday although my red cell counts are still inching down slowly. Nausea and fatigue have been in line with past experience. However, the severe diarrhea experienced in the previous cycles is missing this time. Needless to say, it is a much welcome relief. If all goes as usual, I should bounce back before Monday. I have not been able to gain back much weight, although eating has been ok under the circumstances. The wound healing has been slowed down by the chemo. Following the surgeon’s recommendation, it is now being irrigated every other day during dressing changes. Hopefully, with the help of the machine, the healing will continue.

Fine-tuning of certain higher-level features of the universe:

Romans 1: 20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal
power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

When one looks at the universe, it is almost impossible not to be awed by its wonder, beauty, elegance and mystery. As we learn more about it, it is natural to ask the following question: How can the universe possibly have obtained the unique set of physical properties it has, so exquisitely fine-tuned for life as they are, except by a purposeful design—design with life and perhaps humanity in mind (Swinburne 1998, Ellis 1993, Ross 1995)?

We looked at examples of the fine-tuning of physical laws, physical constants and initial conditions last week. This time, we will look at examples of the fine-tuning of certain higher-level features of the universe, starting with various properties of the chemical elements.

Under atmospheric pressure, water has a solid state that is less dense than its liquid state. Hence, ice floats on water, and water bodies freeze from top to bottom to provide marine creatures a sanctuary even in extreme frigidity. (Otherwise, ice would sink to the bottom where it would remain in the deep until eventually, all oceans and lakes would be solidly frozen.)

Carbon is a very special element because it plays a dominant role in the chemistry of life. Each carbon atom can share electrons with up to four different atoms, and thus allows carbon to form many different compounds (including organic compounds) of varying size, shape and chemical properties. It is found in the food we eat, the clothes we wear, the cosmetics we use and the gasoline that fuels our car.

CO2 has the property, unique among gases, of having, at ordinary temperatures, about the same concentration of molecules per unit volume in water as in air. This makes it available everywhere for photosynthesis and thereby for molecular synthesis.

It was shown by G. J. Whitrow in 1955 that intelligent life would be impossible except in a universe of three basic dimensions. When formulated in three dimensions, mathematical physics possesses many unique properties which are necessary prerequisites for the existence of rational information-processing observers like ourselves. Moreover, dimensionality plays a key role in determining the form of the laws of physics and in fashioning the roles played by the constants of nature. For example, it is due to its basic three-dimensionality that the world possesses the chemistry that it does, which furnishes some key conditions necessary for the existence of life.

There are various conditions present in galaxies, near stars and on planets, which support or limit the possibility of life. Regarding galaxies, these conditions include galaxy size, type, location, mass distribution, galaxy-cluster density, etc. Take galaxy-cluster density as an example. A galaxy usually occurs within a cluster. If these clusters are too dense, galaxy collisions (or mergers) would disturb solar orbits too much for living organisms to survive. But if galaxy-clusters are too sparse, there would not be enough gas infusion to maintain star-formation long enough to bring about life-sustaining conditions. Regarding stars, the conditions for life include star nearness to galactic center, star’s age, mass, metallicity, rotation rate, etc. (In the interest of time, please refer to http://www.geocities.com/worldview_3/etlifeprobability.html for more details.)

Our own planet, earth, has several fine-tuned properties to support life. Its location in the solar system allows water to exist in all three phases. The liquid form of water is essential for life. Water’s gaseous phase is an important part of the water cycle. The earth (and its gravity) is large enough to hold an atmosphere that provides both the air we breathe and the protection we require against radiation (the ozone). However, the earth is not so large that it has an atmosphere mainly consisting of non-life supporting gases such as hydrogen. The earth has an almost circular orbit about the sun so that it does not go through extreme temperatures for much of its orbit. The earth has a liquid core that produces a magnetic field to protect its surface from charged particles (radiation) in the solar wind. Its surface is rocky and solid instead of gaseous to provide stable footing for infrastructures and living beings.

May this find you and your loved ones in good spirit and health.

Dear All:                                              

The sixth cycle of chemo began on Wed.  There has just been the normal, moderate fatigue and nausea, which made me sleep more.  The wound is getting smaller, mostly in its width.  Hopefully, the chemo drugs won’t slow its healing too much.  The real test will come next Wed. when I get the two-drug combo.  There will be a CT scan after the cycle. 

Fine-tuning of initial conditions:

Romans 1: 20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

When one looks at the universe, it is almost impossible not to be awed by its wonder, beauty, elegance and mystery.  As we learn more about it, it is natural to ask the following question:  How can the universe possibly have obtained the unique set of physical properties it has, so exquisitely fine-tuned for life as they are, except by a purposeful design—design with life and perhaps humanity in mind (Swinburne 1998, Ellis 1993, Ross 1995)?

We looked at examples of the fine-tuning of physical laws and physical constants.  This time, we will look at examples of the fine-tuning of the initial conditions of the universe.

Stephen Hawking (Lucasian Professor of Mathematics at the University of Cambridge and a Fellow of Gonville and Caius College, Cambridge, known for his contributions to the fields of cosmology and quantum gravity, especially in the context of black holes): If the rate of the universe’s expansion one second after the Big Bang had been smaller by even one part in a hundred thousand million million (10 to the power of 17), the universe would have re-collapsed.  (A Brief History of Time)

Roger Penrose: The odds of the Big Bang’s low entropy condition existing by chance are on the order of one out of 10 to the power of 10 to the power of 123. (“Time Asymmetry and Quantum Gravity,” in Quantum Gravity 2, ed. C. J. Isham, R. Penrose, and D. W. Sciama, Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1981, p. 249.)

The mean density of matter in the universe at the very beginning had to be within 1 part in a thousand billion (10 to the power of 12) of the so-called ‘critical density’ which separates universes which expand forever from those which re-collapse. If the density was smaller than it was by this amount, then the universe would have expanded far too quickly for galaxies and stars to be able to form. If it was greater, then the whole universe would have re-collapsed under gravity. Either way, you have a boring universe with no possibility of life.  Furthermore, the density of the universe must have  been within about one part in 10 to the power of 60 of the critical density at which space is flat.

If the initial inhomogeneity ratio were greater than 0.01, then non-uniformities would condense prematurely into black holes before the stars form. But if the ratio were less than 10 to the power of -5, inhomogeneities would be insufficient to condense into galaxies. In either case, the universe would be devoid of stars and solar systems.

If the initial excess of neutrons and protons over anti-neutrons and protons were much greater, galaxies would condense and trap radiation so that none of them would have fragmented to form stars and planets. If the initial excess were lesser, matter would be insufficient for galaxy or star formation.

Many have used the vastness of the universe to point to humanity’s insignificance.  In reality, this is the size which an expanding universe with a density close to the critical value reaches in 14 billion years.  One aspect of the vastness is that it provides the time necessary for heavy elements such as carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, and iron to be formed by nuclear synthesis in the stars and even heavier elements to be formed in the explosion of supernovae, so that they can be dispersed throughout the universe to make it possible for subsequent existence of life.  Additionally, a less massive universe would have only expanded for very short time

How were elements formed?  At about 10 to the power of -5 seconds after the Big Bang, it was cold enough for subatomic particles to form protons and neutrons. A few minutes after the Big Bang, neutrons combined with protons to form deuterium, helium, lithium and even beryllium nuclei. (This process is called “Big Bang nucleosynthesis”.) However, most protons remained uncombined as hydrogen nuclei.  After about 380,000 years, the electrons and nuclei combined into atoms (mostly hydrogen).  The subsequent nucleosynthesis of heavier elements such as carbon or oxygen occurred primarily in stars and is therefore called “stellar nucleosynthesis”.  Up to the element iron, fusing lighter elements into heavier elements creates energy to keep the core of stars hot to resist gravitational collapse.  However, stellar nucleosynthesis can’t produce elements heavier than iron because fusing iron into heavier elements does not generate energy but absorbs it instead (iron has the lowest energy per nuclear particle). Elements heavier than iron are produced by “supernova nucleosynthesis”, which is an intense burst of nuclear reactions that typically lasts only seconds during the explosion of the supernova core. The explosion also disperses these heavy elements throughout the universe to support life.

May this find you and your loved ones in good spirit and health.

I finished antibiotics and thankfully the fever has not returned.  The wound is getting smaller and draining less although it still has a long way to go.  I am scheduled to start the sixth cycle of chemo this coming Wed.  It is a balancing act between the chemo effectiveness and my white cell counts.  If the dosage were too small, the tumors would grow.  If the dosage were too high, my white cell counts would be too low to fight off  possible wound infection.  I just pray that the wound will heal ASAP so that it won’t be a hindrance to chemo and a threat to my health anymore.  I have lost a couple of pounds due to the infections.

Fine-tuning of the constants of physics:

Romans 1: 20 For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

When one looks at the universe, it is almost impossible not to be awed by its wonder, beauty, elegance and mystery.  As we learn more about it, it is natural to ask the following question:  How can the universe possibly have obtained the unique set of physical properties it has, so exquisitely fine-tuned for life as they are, except by a purposeful design—design with life and perhaps humanity in mind (Swinburne 1998, Ellis 1993, Ross 1995)?

Last time, we looked at examples of fine-tuning of physical laws.  Today, we will look at examples of fine-tuning of the constants of physics.

The current universe is defined by approximately 26 dimensionless fundamental physical constants.  Any small change in them or in ratios between some of them would make the universe radically different and not likely conducive to the establishment and development of matter, astronomical structures, or life as it is presently known. (Note that the situation is not only that all the constants have to simultaneously fall within some narrow ranges but also some of them have to bear certain precise relations among themselves.)  In other words, the universe is exquisitely fine-tuned and delicate balanced for the production of life.   For example:

It is estimated if the nuclear strong force were 2% weaker, hydrogen would be the only stable element in the universe.  If the strong force were 1% stronger, hydrogen would rapidly fuse into helium and hence no fuel for stars.

If the weak force that controls e.g., the decay of a neutron into a proton were slightly larger, most neutrons would have decayed, leaving few around to form heavier elements later (i.e., leaving few around to be stored in deuterium for later use in the nuclear synthesis in stars.)  On the other hand, if the weak force were slightly smaller, few neutrons would have decayed to protons, which would make hydrogen-containing molecules less abundant, and hence little fuel for the nuclear processes in stars (hydrogen requires a proton in its nucleus).

The cosmological constant (Albert Einstein modification of his original theory of general relativity to achieve a stationary universe which is of course not true) must be fine-tuned to within one part in 10 to the power of 50 (1 followed by 50 zeros) for the Universe not to enter a runaway expansion phase too soon to prevent the formations of stars and galaxies.

If the gravitational force had not been 10 to the power of 39 smaller than the strength of electric repulsion between two electrons, stars would have burned too hot and burned up too quickly long before life could evolve. If it were smaller, stars never would become hot enough to ignite nuclear fusion.

The ratio of electron to proton mass partially determines the characteristics of the orbits of electrons about nuclei. A proton is approximately 1836 times more massive than an electron. If the electron to proton mass ratio were different, atoms and molecules would be significantly different. Additionally, Stephen Hawking said that the neutron mass minus the proton mass must be roughly twice the mass of the electron, in order to ensure the approximate stability of both particles.

The synthesis of carbon, the vital element of all organic molecules, on a significant scale involves what scientists view as an “astonishing” coincidence in the ratio of the strong force to electromagnetism. This ratio makes it possible for a resonance involving helium-4, beryllium-8, and carbon-12 — allowing the necessary binding of the first two to form the third to take place during a tiny window of opportunity 10 to the power of -17 seconds long. Fred Hoyle (1954) used standard nuclear theory to predict that the carbon nucleus must have a previously unknown resonant excited state at 7.7 MeV to account for its abundance in the universe and a subsequent experiment confirmed that it does have an excited state of exactly 7.65 MeV at the temperature typical of the center of stars.  (When confronted with this statistically highly unlikely coincidence and therefore the possibility of a “super-calculating intellect”, Hoyle, an atheist, said that this suggestion of guiding hand led him to be “greatly shaken.”)

May this find you and your loved ones in good spirit and health.